12 Advises to follow if you really want to fail


There are literally millions of books, articles and blogs on what to do to be successful, but we still have an unbelievable number of people who are still wallowing in the habits of failure and others lining up to join them soon.

If you want to fail very well i recommend that you go ahead with these habits and attitude or join the people currently doing them today:

1. Continue to make excuses

This is a very great way of making an “A” in failure. After all there are a lot of reasons that you are poor and I understand:

  • Your parents did not send you to school
  • You were raised by a single mother
  • You are a single mum yourself
  • Your girlfriend disappointed you
  • Your boss is too tough
  • The economy is crashing
  • The educational system is poor
  • Your grandmother is fetish
  • Life is too tough.

Excuses are very great and I feel you. Eeeyah

2. Do tomorrow those things you need to do today; maybe next week

It is very important to push things that you ought to do now till tomorrow or later. After all you are very busy now:

  • You need to quickly get to the market, so you cannot hold the meeting now
  • Do your assignment later; you have a date tonight
  • Start writing that book by January 1st; just add it to your New Year goals
  • Do the jogging next weekend; the sun will not be too hot
  • Pray later, maybe at night, you are already late for work
  • Wait till your next birthday to start investing; it will be your birthday gift to yourself
  • Do the checkup next week, after all you are still healthy

There is no reason why you should do it today anyway…

3. Don’t read any book again

Reading is a waste of time. After all you have completed your first degree and you do not intend to be a professor.

  • You don’t have exams, why should you read.
  • The guys that wrote the success books have never been in your shoes
  • What do you want to know that you do not know?
  • Your children will be learning what you do not know and you can learn from them
  • Think about it you actually read; you read your friends updates on Facebook and twitter

Keep this attitude up my friends, and you will improve your grades in failure.

4. Continue watching reality shows every day or at least 3 African Magic movies, especially those with part 1, part 2, part 3 and seasons!

  • After all it is very important that you relax, isn’t it?
  • Big Brother is very cool!
  • American Idols! Wow
  • Nigerian Idols.. awesome
  • Nigerian’s got talent… that one is crazy!
  • British Got Talent! After all Susan Boyle came out of that one.
  • American’s Got talent..Ecstatic!
  • Oh, I almost forgot, you also need to keep up with the Kardashians: interesting!

Carry on without caution. Life is meant to be enjoyed!

5. Don’t take any risks at all

Life is about playing it safe, I mean very safe. It is better to stay where you are than try moving forward when you are not very very sure it will work out.

  • Is it better to take risk, than to take risks and then fail?
  • What If you fail trying to start that business?
  • What if the stock market fails?
  • What if the woman says No?
  • What if you don’t get another job, you better stay on this one, even though your boss abuses you sexually and pays you peanut!
  • What if you embarrass yourself while trying to address an audience in publicly?
  • What if the investor steals your idea? You better don’t share it.

Tell yourself that ” Taking risk is too risky”

6. Wait for government to perform wonders

After government is responsible for what we are experiencing today. Change has come, just fold your arms for Magic to happen. Wait patiently and your own portion of the national cake will be credited to your bank account.

7. Why should you be grateful

You know that you need to strive for more things in life. The two daughters you have are not enough, you need a boy. The flat you are living in is too small you need a mansion. The Toyota you are driving is not enough, you need a Lexus. Your man is not rich enough, your bags and shoes are not classy enough, your kids are not going to the most expensive school in town, you are not working for Microsoft or shell, you don’t have 6 packs, and lots more. So what is there to be grateful for?

8. Focus on yourself

The challenges you are facing today needs a whole lot of attention and you really need to focus on yourself at this time, maybe you’ll get a way out of that situation.

Trying to solve other people’s problem is a waste of your precious time. After all you cannot give what you don’t have. There are rich people who can be of assistance to others in need. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost and probably consider others later on.

9. Simply give up

Life is unfair, life is hard, it was hard growing up as a teen, difficult going to school, difficult looking for a job, difficult  doing the job, difficult raising a family, difficult staying with one spouse, difficult with your health, challenging running a business: you know what just give up

10. Don’t ask for advise

Asking for advice is not always easy. Most of the time leaders in your area of specialization may not have your time. And I think it may be better for you to figure it out by yourself before everyone now thinks you are a dullard, or that you are not in control. Come to think of it:

  • What if they give you poor advice?
  • Now everyone will know what’s going on in your home.
  • She will think you a just an idiot
  • Your pastor will not trust you anymore
  • S/he is younger than you
  • Meanwhile, what does he really want to tell you?

11. Hang around the people you are currently hanging out with, you are not alone.

Continue hanging out with your “boogie-woogie” friends. You guys are friends forever. You are all at the same level and you all believe God together. Advice yourselves, play draft and chess games in the evening to relax, lend money from each other and wait until one of you become President and then he’ll make the rest of you ministers. Just stick together, forever

12. Enjoy your life while it lasts

One way or the other, you’ve been able to get to a certain level of success: you now own a house or rented one in a serene environment, you are having a supervisory job and a cute family. It’s time to enjoy yourself with your family. No need to save, and you don’t have enough to invest; after all you have a lot of responsibilities.

Please follow these advises strictly and be on your way to a successful life of Failure.

I hope this is not you, turn these advises around and you will be on a high way to success.

if you have some more advises for those that really really want to fail, please leave comments below.

You will succeed!

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